selah

dscn2009

Madeleine L’Engle called it “a circle of quiet”

a space for one’s own

in the many spheres of one’s life:

family

home

work

service

finances

pleasure

labor

creativity

having a tiny slice that consists of simply being without distraction or duty without even onesself clouding over and sullying up that circle is unheard of

our previous home was a bungalow of many tiny rooms all with firmly shut doors

we added on square footage with cathedral ceiling and open floor plans to accommodate our growing family and my desire for a large lovely house

but i kept going back to the pokey dated room with the old wall paper and drafty windows because it was small and mine

our new home is a sprawling mid-19th century farmhouse

big rooms

but i miss a pokey simple little space

ten months in our new home and i did not have my own space and so for ten months i seldom sat and rested in peace in my home

my eye can not stop roving on stuff and need and people

i needed a space that i did not have to maintain

though i love to keep house

needed a space of silence

though i love interacting with my family

so i made my own

with the help of husband brawn

and 24 hours of daughter, cleaning, cooking, neglect

a craft room that is twice as long as it is wide was cut in half

cut in half by:

gray sheer curtains

pink walls

removed closet doors

one $10 salvation army vintage chair

hand-made pillows i quickly hot glued and badly hand-sewed together in a single night because i only had a single-fueled-by-caffeine-night, while the family was asleep, to be crafty

a curtain made out of a pillow case

a drop ceiling swathed in 8 yards of tulle

and four sections of wall paper that took four days to put up properly

i call it my “Selah” room

“selah” is a very ambiguous, mystifying hebrew word that biblical scholars can not agree upon

it could come from the hebrew word calah, which means “to measure or weigh in the balances.”

or the two hebrew words  s_lah, “to praise”; and s_lal, “to lift up.”

or simply a musical notation signifying a rest to the singers and/ or instrumentalists who performed the psalms.

i like the ambiguous, the mystifying, and seldom agreed upon

it keeps man’s pride in his proper place

being a good mom

being a good wife

being a good christian

having the nice

house,

body,

vacation plans

occupies my brain a lot

it occupies yours too i know

not because we are horrible

but human

driven to survive, do well, and achieve better than others, better than the other you of yesterday

the problem is:

it starts to reek of vanity, every time

but in those quiet, undistracted spaces i can lose my well-intended, often moral and noble pursuits only when i ask God to speak so i can see His Kingdom, not my own.

what his kingdom looks like,

what it sounds like,

how it walks,

how it talks,

does business

does family

does pleasure

does labor

when I string enough of those moments together in my “circle of quiet” in my “selah” room with its ambiguous meaning and purpose

i always, always

see Christ

He is the only one devoid of that stinking vanitydscn1983

Cheers.

After months and months of not blogging this is my third post in three weeks.

My goal is to post on my one day off a week.

Something relevant in my life right now, written in prose with reflection and also a bit of  humour and with lots of photography.

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