I sleep just an inch deep with troubled dreams. As if my psychie knows this is wrong too. Inevitably, as my weary body and misfiring brain start to surface sleep paralysis happens:
You know that freaky experience where you are just waking up, your eyes open slits but your brain thinks you’re still dreaming.
I hear things, that seem so real and close, my eyes are open but I can’t move. I try to wake myself up but it takes a few minutes. It only happens when I take a nap, over come by weariness. I hate it.
This past September I had to take some serious rest.
I participated in the 31days of writing challenge in October.
Both were unexpected, with surprising rewards, and change was in the wind.
Now it is November and I am getting antsy. I don’t rest well and quite frankly need to just get on with several things in my life. I pray and pray and try to learn from it all, but it still feels like spinning my wheels and mud flying in my face for all my effort.
I feel restless, but I am tired in mind and body and know I should rest when I can.
It seems indulgent.
Even when the weary is obvious and understandable.
So starts the upward climb of all those dark monsters, buried out of sight but never out of reach in the murky pools of our mind.
Be it guilt,
We all have our default demons.
Climbing back into tangled sheets pulling up quilts half way on the floor in my sweatpants and fuzzy socks I could feel the clutches of dark thoughts emerge and try to find footing.
I’ve have been here so many times I could spit it makes me so mad.
I was not not made by my Creator to be treated like some cat toy; battered around just for the hell of it.
So I just started to praise God instead. Take a few seconds and it comes spilling up and over, then fell into fitful sleep.
A few hours later I had that freaky sleep paralysis and was in fact, feeling guilty about going back to bed while my family is dutifully at school. However, I felt different on the inside once I fully woke up.
I went back to bed because I was really, really tired, and thankful that I could.
Next time you are weary and feeling so heavy, paralyzed, and guilty about it:
Try praising and sleeping.
Linking up over at Kate’s place with the talented, weary, yet over coming battlers over at Five Minute Friday.