The Slow Fade of Summer {and last august break photo contribution}

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I flipped my kitchen calendar over to September a day early.

Back to school, meetings, birthdays, retreats, and our annual Cape May pilgrimage have me scribbling and circling and adding *s and !s to many empty square boxes.

In my mind Summer is over already.

I love the change of seasons.

I have long soaked up a delicious delight in expecting the cooler, color-filled promise of Fall.

Even as a little girl.

However, before I wax eloquent about the wonders of fall, let me fill you in on our very up and down Summer of 2012 here at  The House of Women:

*we took our house off the market…{again}

*we left our church that we have been a part of our entire marriage and our girls' entire lives, last Sunday being our final service {on very, very good terms though}

*i finally got that baby boy!

{ok, ok just as a baby sitter about 3 days a week. but the blue sippy cups with dinosaurs, mini orange and green shirts with footballs, and race cars and woody dolls littered on the floor next to dress ups and tea party sets are actually an enjoyable change…plus I love one-year-old's chubby hands and arms}

*have been and continuing to pray about doing volunteer work and ministry work in the local school district once a week; several opportunities are available

* i solemnly declared once and for all that:

I HATE DOING CRAFT PROJECTS WITH MY CHILDREN AND WILL NEVER ATTEMPT TO AGAIN! {phew, i said it…i knew i could…perhaps i will post the hows and whys sometime soon}


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Upright, vivid, unfurled, full of promise…just like this single rose…is how I see our immediate future. 

It is not what we had envisioned…I truly could not stand living here, annoyed with the school district, and swore I would never do day care again. Living in town with neighbors on top of us still ticks me off daily, public school is still not ideal, and having a one-year-old eight hours a day throws a real monkey wrench into my daily schedule. There are moments I question the logic of leaving a church filled with people we love and respect, of not lowering our house price just a bit more once again.

Logic.

My life has always been dominated by it.  

This has been the Summer of being called to throw off the seemingly adult and sensible notion of logic.  Long summer days has always equaled long sunny morning on shadowy decks or covered front porches.  Again throwing off the constraint of "sensible", this hour or two is carefully spent NOT in catching up on housework, blogs, or pintrest, but in prayer, stillness, and absorbing The Word of God.  A deepening reality of the closeness, necessity, and gift of The Spirit.  

"we see through a glass darkly"; "we wrestle not against flesh and blood"; "man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart"; "the effect of righteousness shall be quietness and peace forever".

This was the playing theme that crept into my mind on early mornings, like a long forgotten song that you now can't stop  humming.  Always questioning, always analyzing, demanding answers and neat and tidy actions plans for a happier me, created a vortex of chaos deep in me.  Troubled waters instead of "streams of living waters".

Though spiritual truths are not simply to be dappled in, theorized about, and then materialize into some pink cloud of hazy happiness.

Don't let anyone fool you:

God is always in the details.

Some details that needed serious attention and action were called to front and center this summer in the form of my continual battle with tension and depression and our debt and money.

You know, the two things that nobody wants to think too long about, much less talk about, and tackle.

I made peace, after a long and bloody battle that I have to take a little white pill every day.  Its not  the "drugs or Jesus" war I had pitted against each other in my mind.

 Secondly, we need more money.

I can be a helpmate to my husband by earning some cash.

Staying home is still necessary with "the wild babe" still not four year old. Then this babysitting gig fell on my lap.

We are (after the Cape May pilgrimage) going to put all that cash-ola to debt, and then buckle down and start throwing more of Mr.MS's paycheck at it too. Its hard when money is so tight and there are so many shiny, new, lovelies out there; sitting on shelves and shouting at us in magazines, seducing us in friend's homes. Calling my name when I am really tired and do not want to prepare a meal for an hour and a half, that will be consumed in five minutes, with lots of complaints peppered in during those five minutes, or course.

It's hard work depriving yourself the high of getting stuff, or not having to cook, in exchange for that down the road elation that comes when the numbers of our debt and credit score, for the first time, start going the other way.


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"Having our eyes fixed before us on Christ Jesus, the perfecter of our faith".

Whether its debt, happy pills, back to changing diapers, saying good by to friends, saying hello to those next door neighbors (still), trusting what does not make sense, denying what we think we deserve, in the end, really it is not about US.

It is about Him.  Do we believe He is Who He said He was?  And is that worthy of our life and our affection?

For me the answer is still Yes.

Cheers.


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One thought on “The Slow Fade of Summer {and last august break photo contribution}

  1. Beautiful post Leah,as always.I understand the debt issue entirely, if we hadn’t bought the house nextdoor we would probably be debt free now,instead of in the same boat as everyone else.We had nightmare neighbours as well,the kind you see on TV news,battling alcohol and untreated illness.I recently found a lovely resting spot – Faith inspiration at Tumblr,have a squiz.Love the one-“God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors” My hubby is a teacher as well,so you would think school issues would be simpler-not!Your buddleia is looking lovely as well(I lost mine after too much rain).Have a lovely week at the H.O.W

    Like

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