simple minded

My grandmother used to say life was so much easier when you were simple minded.  It's taken me almost my whole life to understand what she meant.

                    ~story people

P6280158

 

Not many of us wanted to be affectionately known as simple minded.

Maybe that term gets a bad wrap.

Like "stay at home mom".

I hate the immediate mental association that quaint folksy phrase puts in a listener's head.

Almost as bad as "simple minded".

I want to claw and fight my way above the wreckage of a pile of debt, of disarrayed living rooms and bedrooms, of oily grime several dozen pan- fried dinners-deep on kitchen surfaces, of family members who make my heart palpitate in anxiety, of neighbors a stone's throw away who resent children, scratch that, who resent my children, of real estate trends, public school politics, evangelical church trends.

My tongue is sharp, my skin is thick, my shoulders are squared and dammit I just want to not care anymore.

I wish I could claw out words like faith & patience.

I wish I could scour the burden of those irritating phrases rattling in my brain like:

"take the higher road"

"be the better person"

"its all for a reason"

"you are becoming a better person"

and spew it out like a swig of spoiled milk.

I am smart, and tough, and independent, and capable, and work hard, and know my Bible. 

Surely I deserve to get my way.

God knows there are many, many doors I can pry open with enough resolved and self talk.

She deserves…

They deserve…

I deserve…

The problem with decreeing out justice is that it gets confusing. The mind gets tangled when we, even in our own quiet mental life puzzle piecing of "how it aught to be".

It begats more questions, more ill-ease, more disarray.

Then those things that are so simple, actions your own mind is not even conscious that it is happening, become a struggle:

breathing

sleeping

finishing sentences,

focusing on an object eight feet away

Who's the big boss now?

How's that puzzle coming?

Suddenly, "simple minded" seems like a haven of rest, a beacon on a promised shore.

Suddenly I remember, "that's right.  I am one of those women- who don't care if I carry the card of 'stay at home mom'in my thrift store jeans pocket."

I remember that getting my way has never brought me peace.

I remember I prefer breathing, sleeping and complete sentences over, well almost just about anything.

Tomorrow's July.

Year 2 of "screen free July" coming with relief.

In 31 days I will be joining the flickr group August Break again.

So the last month of Summer will find "many slices" simply posting one daily photo with one caption to mark the passing of the Summer of 2012.

Then September,  still hot in summer temperature, but busy in fall preparations, will find us is its usually flurry of filled backpacks, new sneakers, sharpened pencils and bus schedules.

Its eight weeks away.

I don't know what this loud, striving, and yet insanely happy family will be doing exactly.

Some days I like that.

Some days I hate it.

Most days I just try to forget about it.

That said I leave you with a roll of pictures that remind me that "simple" truly does get a bad wrap…who among us would not love more of this?

Cheers


********************************************************

P6250024

******************************************************

P6260042

******************************************************

P6270101

******************************************************

P6280151

******************************************************

P6280143

******************************************************

P6270058

******************************************************

P6240001
P6240004
P6240006
P6240008

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “simple minded

  1. You really know how to write – and tell a story. Your posts relax me – bring me down from my anxiety (all from the same things you mentioned in your post). And we start school here in seven weeks! Time goes by to fast, I hope you enjoy the next eight weeks:)

    Like

  2. Leah, you’ve just voiced how I think often,sometimes I feel like a double minded man.You know I had thought about removing the sahm tag from my blog ‘cos people think of “lazy”, but I thought what the heck,hasn’t always been that way, but I relish it now. God loves us womenfolk the way we are, we just need to ignore the ways of the world – we are in the world,but not of it. It’s that alienation from the way others think that gets annoying at times.II Tim 1:7 Love the pics esp. the second!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s