keeping balance

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It has been a tilting week.

Swerving to the left and the right.  Pulled in the extremes of real estate obligations, children who cannot stop injuring themselves, and some ungodly stomach/intestinal bug attacking the family that NO ONE wants to know the details of, I have felt close to crashing on the merciless pavement.

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It's the little things:

Not being able able to eat or drink anything for nearly three days makes me realize how much I LOVE TO EAT AND DRINK.

I grip a steaming cup of coffee, take a swirly milky brown sip, knowing my stomach will revolt.  I so long for the comfort. I  cast hungry glances at kitchen cupboards, desiring the comfort of salty pita chips cut with tangy salsa; despite that I am not actually hungry.  I am hungry for the self-soothing comfort to hit my belly.  And in the evening, I pour purple-red wine in our cheap wine glasses, hoping one sip will not erupt instant reflux {it does}.

Pathetic I know.

My lilac bush,  boasting only about a dozen of its sweet smelling purple spikes, thanks to our schizophrenic spring sits untouched.  No time or gumption to get a step stool and clip a few fragrant bouquets of my favorite flower.

Why?

My newly repainted, de-cluttered sewing room/studio still looks great.  Mainly because I have not gone in there for a month.  Keep saying I will slice away an hour here or there, but that hour slips away in exhaustion and/or  cleaning.

Oh yes, the cleaning.

I knew it was coming.

Having your house on the market means one thing:

You have to keep every room immaculate. {I have lots of room, lots of kids, lots of hatred for forced tidiness}

I am in that torn paradox state of wanting so badly for someone to fall in love with our house and then promptly shell out a bunch of cash for it- and desperately hoping no one sets up an appointment to go through the house so I don't have to bloody clean all day!

Can't have it both ways I know.

My Eucharisteo {or gratitude} journal?

Have not scribbled a line, jotted a sentence, or pasted-in  a photo in weeks.

And yet, I know, I KNOW, that when I write those three gifts each night in bed  and then sleepily flip through past entries as eyes grow heavy:

My Contentment Goes Up

My Grumbling Goes Down.

Yet every evening, mind cramped with to-do lists, I straight out forget, or plain am not motivated.

Who forgets to make yourself happy?

Who is not motivated to be a nicer person?

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Today, however, I was able to take a few swigs of creamy coffee.  I enjoyed wheat toast with home made peach preserves.

That helps.

I build a toad house with the babe.  Her pet toad she lost in the van two days was miraculously discovered and alive.

That made me happy.

A dear friend from far away, whom I have not spoken to in so long called, and we talked without interruption for an hour- miracle number two.

And while I have have been horribly neglectful of my journaling, I thumbed through the last few weeks of pictures, still sitting in my camera.

My visual Eucharisteo of sorts.

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The old fashioned charm of reading a good book in the back yard…

{see my review of this book: The Invention of Hugo Cabret in my left margin}

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Meets our children's modern new world…

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{my big girl trying out a new recipe with the help of a mac book and utube cooking video}

But…

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she has on a home-made apron made from vintage fabric…so its Kosher

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playing hooky…yup, despite all my rules, I am one of those moms

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fearless mountain climbers…

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lovers of nature…

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squashers of state funded landscaping…

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This beautiful stone circle of wild violets, water fall and  stone cliffs were enjoyed by us at Buttermilk Falls State Park in Ithaca, NY.

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So despite stress, gastric-bacteria, my being forced into being Cinderella {before she meets the fairy godmother of course}, and sleep deprivation;  I look at all these good little things right here before me.

Tiny pleasure, pretty snippets, savory tidbits, quiet moments

Take a deep breathe and say "OK I can do it"

For, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us"

Romans 8:37

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Cheers.


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One thought on “keeping balance

  1. Hope you’re recoving well,try to relax and rest up even with all that going on.I had a 24 hr chuck bug last week, think I picked it up while out shopping.Thankfully no-one else got it. I’ve been wondering why I keep missing your posts, for some reason they don’t appear on my dashboard only on the bloglist. Maybe I’ve done something wrong or is it the typepad vs blogger thing? I’m back-reading a few, so don’t mind my late comments.

    Like

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