the parodox of obediance

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My stomach is in knots.

A heavy weight lays on my shoulders, it aches on the nape of my neck.

My heart has forgotten how to beat in its simple rheumatic flow.

I have some really hard decisions to make.  I may or may not have to give damning testimony against a member of my own family, possibly putting a rip in the fabric of my extended family; like a crow bar yanking out a two by four in the wall.

I just want to live a simple life. 

But being left alone and happy in my own cocoon is not what followers of Christ are called to do.

Yet, what is the quote that keep going through my mind last night and almost immediately upon waking this morning?

    "Every Christian should have this engraved in his subconscious:  NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, NEVER TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY".

                                       ~ Dr. K.P. Yahannan, founder of Gospel for Asia, quoting advice                                         given to him as he set out in obedience to start up this world                                         changing ministry, in his book Revolution in World Missions

As my ten-year-old would say:

"what the huh?"

But this is so serious!!

However,  I am strangely comforted.  My heart starts to recall how to properly exchange oxygen and blood.  The anxious minute needles quivering in my hands and up my arms retract.

Then early this morning  I found a comment left by a blogger soul.Yesterday, after reading  her post on the titanic, {of all things!} I candidly asked her to pray for me.  She left me these Bible passages:

2 Corinthians 1:1-11

John 14:26-27

Philippians 4:6-8

2 Corinthians 10: 3-5

The gist expounded, as I gulped up the words this morning?

God's will is always done.

He chooses to use us, because He loves us, and knows that its the hard, painful, difficult things that shape us, make us strong, more like His Son. 

 

We, like those ants, working so frantically on my closed peony  buds last Summer, are so limited in perspective of  the greater world. We think if we don't work and toil and get it right, then the world will surely crumble.  People will be hurt forever, with one mis-step, one word spoken out of turn. 

What a heavy burden.

What we do not see is that it is:one bloom on a big bush, that makes up a single plant in an entire garden, that represents a small plot of earth in this entire world.

But God is incredibly close to that ant (us), and it is He who lovinging toils and spins and creates.  He has a plan to open up that beautiful peony bloom.

He makes beauty from ashes.

And that lets me exhale.

And say:

"its OK"

and

"thank you".

Cheers.




 

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4 thoughts on “the parodox of obediance

  1. Yes, Leah! How true – we DON’T have to take ourselves so seriously because we are never anyones saviour. Only Jesus is, and we can only point to him. We are only the signposts, not the destination itself!

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  2. Oh Leah, I love you so!! Your spirit, your soul, the beauty of your person!! This is a beautiful post – you said it so well and I know it will inspire others who read. I’ve got a ton going on right now, too, (will you and I ever get a quiet lunch time together??? I hope?? )…. but I’m keeping you in my prayers. God will bless, as He always does! You are one of his beautiful blooms.

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  3. Bless you, Leah! I’m so glad the Lord ministered to your heart in such a way. Actually, I read your comment just after coming home from Wednesday service. Our senior pastor was sick and our associate Pastor Russ Sterger spoke about something he’d bee feeling on his heart over the past few weeks. Confronting hardships. It was an incredible message and I took notes – specifically all the Biblical references. I just gave you the verses he had just taught about. How amazing the Lord is to work in such a way. If you would like to hear his whole message you can catch the podcast at http://www.ccvineland.org – look for the live broadcast from last night – Wed. April 18 – it is usually available by now. If not – check back later. All our services stream live on the internet and you can catch them anytime after by podcast. I know you’ll be blessed.
    Let me know how things turn out.
    Joy in the journey –
    Kathy

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  4. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Leah. “The hard stuff is the heat that refines.” If He has called you to do it, be assured, He will also provide you with the strength to do the task. Love & Prayers,
    Kathy

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