I left my last post saying I would probably not be blogging a lot because of it being "crunch time" with getting our house ready to be put "on the market" (I say that phrase like 18 times a day, and getting real sick of hearing my own voice spitting out that phrase).
And guess what?
I hate it.
And not because of the mess.
Not because of the paint splattering my hair that no one tells me about till AFTER I return from the store.
No, I am pretty used to messes and embarrassing myself in public.
It is that roving eye of critical house examination.
Literally, for the last few weeks, as I stride into each room throughout my day, my eye, like a anal-retentive real estate robot, takes in the glaring little defects:
trim needs painting here
wallpaper peeling here
insulation exposed here
too much clutter here
The eye wont stop taking it in.
Negative focusing makes for a grumbling mouth, makes for an unhappy Mama, makes for a tense family, makes for a family that is not fun.
Of one thing I am thankful.
The sharp sure shafts of truth; piercing as a pin, that found its way into my mind, through Ann Voskamps book One Thousand Gifts came thundering to my mind. Mid-stroke, while painting bathroom trim, I realized why I am so miserable, sharp tongued, and grumbling. I am unhappy with the condition of my house. Not because I desire perfection. No, I am obsessed with that phantom "buyer" whose own critical eye and disapproving glance stands between me and our dream to re-locate to the country…pond, acres of gardens, golden retriever, chickens and all.
I don't trust that God will find the buyer…will find that house when we need it.
I give all types of lip service…but I have put the responsibilities on our own weary shoulder, our slumped backs, and calloused paint-flecked-hands.
It's not a situation that is easily remedied.
I can't be one of those people who say,
"oh it will work out…God has it all planned out"0
As if He will send a host of angels to finish the trim and peeling paint.
Not my strong point.
But I was thankful for the clarity I received.
Thankful, that I no longer live my life with that critical eye, never satisfied with what my house looked like.
I wasted a lot of years.
I am thankful for the grace given to me by my husband and family, and God during those years.
So today I read a book: I married adventure by Lucy Swindoll
I made cupcakes and cake with my girls.
I had some wine.
I took pictures.
And now I am blogging.
Cuz I need it.
That is all.
i love having girls( I am now so much more girl-y than i ever was growing up)