February: The month of trials

    Its happened every single year since being a mother:

A rotating cycle of sickness and nasty grey weather.

Which is why come every March it becomes abundantly necessary for me to leave!

This years sanity escape destination takes the form of Brattleborogh VT.  Two nights in a B&B with just me and hubby.

The following is a small slice of our February so far (and we only 4 days into it).

    The first started out with a seemingly serene and nice start to the month.

A monster snow storm kept all kiddos home from school, and for a change, Daddy home too.

We got up early together to do the school closing check, and took our coffee outside on the porch, just as the sun was starting to lightening the sky, to watch the snow, amazed at the quiet.

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My oldest had been sick for going on 5 days now, but the others were still healthy.

Here is Daddy spending some time with "big girl #2" (when big girl #1 is out of commission it is amazing how our quiet one takes on a new personality.  It's like she gets to flex her personality muscles without restraint).

DSC03530 DSC03526 DSC03528 DSC03529 Didn't think these

would come out

click to enlarge

 

When the baby went down for her nap me and the big girls had a big ole' valentine craft party…pulling out piles of fabric, papers, coffee-dyed coffee filters (my new crafty love, they stiffen just enough when dry to give the paper a cool texture and old look), and lots and lots of glitter!  Hence, the laying down of the two year old before hand.

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The golden heart my 4-year- old did…its so cute…she was insistent not to use pink and red, but do her own thing (that's my girl!)

 

This is a pic my 7-year-0ld took, not asking me first, and is where we ended up sticking our valentine decos.   I decided not to take any because it is so hard getting the pics to come out right at the window seat.  But she did good!             DSC03557

All great so far right?

Lots of warm fuzzies.

Lots of "Man, am I a good mom or WHAT!"

 

    This February in disguise only lasted till about 6:00 of the first day of the month. 

The real February revealed itself swiftly and terrible.

That cute valentine craft party…took 2 hours to pick up…by myself…with the baby up…husband gone…and the three big girls now not feeling well.

Super crafty awesome Mom quickly morphed into super cranky yelling Mom.

Next day its official…all kids sick…high temps…hideous coughs…I don't feel the greatest…but that has to be ignored of course.

Hubby still home from work.

I even escaped to Target to get food and do a little shopping in the evening and he got the kids down.

Then yesterday:

Here are our sick cups. All marked with different ribbons is an atempt to not cross-contaminate germs and keep the dishes low..I dont think it really works, but everyone makes a big deal which fabric strip she gets.

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Daddy at work…all kids real sick…Mom got some freak EYE INFECTION…where the #@$&! did that come from…my sympathy for sick little people is ebbing away to nothing with each…"Mommy can you get me…."?

I told my husband that I just made a circuit from one pale coughing child to the other…when I sat and loved on one, I felt guilty for ignoring the rest. 

Keeping track of who took what meds, at what time, and at what dose, was a nightmare.

Again the daughters distinct personalities come out if full force when they are all sick at the same time.

The oldest likes to lay and moan loudly asking incessantly to check if she has a fever and"can you just sit with me"…with a good measure of…"I think I might throw up:…(she always thinks she is going to throw up).

Big girl #2 is my trooper.

I have to check her temp for her because she won't tell me when she starts to feel unwell.

She sleeps when sick and takes care of herself as soon as she starts to perk up.

My 4-year-old is the loner.

She wanted to be in the toy room lying on the floor watching TV by herself.

She is also the most pathetic to see sick.

She is a really healthy kid, thank The Lord, and I don't think she even remembers what it feels like to be sick, it has been so long.  Every time she would wake up from a doze she would look around and say totally disgusted and in deep despair "I am STILL  sick"!  She could not understand.

Then there is my toddler.

She was miserable…like her sister, she is hardly ill, and cannot understand.

Just whines and cries, which of course makes my heart just break…but the kicker is she gets Nasty and Mean to Everyone!  So my sympathy was really tested after awhile.

 

Yesterday was also my oldest girl's 9th birthday.

I had to do what only a mother can do and forge ahead, ignoring my throbbing eye, my tiredness, and make a big stuffed shell dinner, and bake and decorat the requested blue frosted, sprinkled cake with 9 mini cupcakes on top, and heart chocolates and cheeries on top.

Do you have any idea how long that takes with a crying two year old on you hip most of time? 

I would put her down when neccasary, her shrieking when I did.

We all went through the motions.

The girls were not that hungry, and didn't eat much, even the cake.

I was in a real bad that I can usally keep from the girls, grinning and bearing it…but then let it unleash on my husband as soon as he comes home.

I am not proud to say that…but it is the case everytime.

It's like I have the power keep up the motherly front for my kids, and get sapped dry in the process.  The only thing left is frustration and anger.

Not everyone undestands this I know.

When my resourses are low, instead of asking God to come in and sustain me, like I know I should, I complain, find fault, errupt, as a way to deflect my fatigue.  I get so annoyed that  "This is my life"!

I wonder if anyone else shoots down those you love the most, and Need The Most, when stressed.  After ten years you think I would read the waring signs and gain a little self-control.  But no.

I will say that after ten years Tim and I know when to ignore eachother, just orbiting around the children, and silently doing what has to be done till they go down, and the house is in order.

I was so bone tired last night I went straight to our bedroom after the kids went down.

Despite my overwhelming desire to sleep I simply could not drift off for more than a minute without hubby next to me,  and the air cleared.

I guess that is the best thing that has happened this month.

More than birthday cakes, snow days, and crafts with the girls.

More than planning get aways with my husband.

More than taking care of my kids, even when I am sick.

I think those things can be done in human stregnth.

Not being able to sleep till its "all good" between us,talking and apoligizing, admitting fault, not making excuses because I am a tired mother of young children.

Being humble and honest with my sins, and recieving forgiveness;

that is the working of God, not from me.

That is the perfectness of Christ coming out in tangable and beautiful expressions, in a fallen, ugly- acting human being.

As long as I have that, the trials of February, or anything in this world, won't leave me  down and defeated for long.

Hope you are getting through this hard month as best you can.

Cheers,

Leah

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6 thoughts on “February: The month of trials

  1. Love reading your blog Leah ~ just got the web addy from rachel and btw~ Happy Birthday !! Ok now I need to know how to subscribe or follow your blogs..tried to follow through fb as it gave that option but wouldn’t work ! I also want the copy of my mama’s poem you posted..could not find it on your poetic sunday page..I saw you mentioned that you posted it..I can relate to my mom much better every year I get older ! Learning to do things differently than she did but at the same time wishing I had more compassion back then..we are so blind when we are young ! anyways.. have always wanted to blog ever since having the twins..guess since they are in school now it would be a good time to start 🙂 this site looks a bit complicated to me though..any other user friendly sites you can suggest ?? Thanks 🙂
    love ya
    Cara

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  2. Hi Leah! Happy Birthday! I had your blog address a long time ago but forgot it and was, like Cara, reminded of it by Rachel on facebook today. So refreshing to see the true Christian humility and Godly sorrow over sin that you have. Mike gave me a different translation of the Bible for Christmas, one I’ve never read before: New Living Translation. I love how they record the first blessing of Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount. “God blesses those who realize their need for Him, for the Kindgom of Heaven is given to them.” Hang in their, Leah! You’re doing a great job. I also would highly recommend a sun lamp for you because it sounds to me like you might be afflicted with SAD. I’ve had one for 5 years and can truly say it helps significantly. March used to be my hellish month. Major breakdown every year…Love and miss you! I’ll have to start visiting your blog regularly. So glad you’ve kept up with it.

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  3. So glad to hear from you Cara and Becky!
    It has been so long since I have even talked to you two.
    I just got back just a bit ago from going out with Sarah and Rachel (Jess was home with a sick Molly). Had a great time…much needed break.
    Thanks for your comments Becky…and yes I have thought about a sun lamp many times. I am on an herbal regiment that helps with SAD symptoms,that I take every other day with a lexipro, plus exercise, and get my face in the sun whenever it decides to shine over Elmira. That helps immensely. I was just thinking of you Becky, last week, and sent ya a card, did you get it, I realized I may of sent it to your old address?
    Cara, do you now have a typepad blog…am confused…I loved the abundantly blessed poem! You are like your mother. I could not find out how to leave a comment.Typepad was hard to get going…I started mine while on vacation with no kids and plenty of geek-tech help from Tim. Blogger.com is all free, and much easier to use, so I have heard.
    Keep checking in.
    I will most certainly keep writing, I love it.
    To use a total Carpenter phrase: this is “totally GAY” to say, but having a blog has changed my life in that I have a reason to work on my writing skills once more, and feel an almost accountability to put a positive, yet genuine, and Christ-honoring voice out there in the world wide web. Even when not many read it…it will be out there as long as the internet is up and kicking, and that is amazing to me.
    I am This Close to hoppin on the fb train…. Jessie keeps baiting me.
    Cheers,
    Leah

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  4. Leah ~ I did make a blog here but am so confused by it i will probably delete it..lol..can you post my mom’s poem you have ?? tried to find it on your poem page but didn’t see it..you should join facebook..your encouraging words would be great posts to do daily !! so u could see my blog ? how did you find it ?? I emailed u the other day..did u get it ?
    becky..i bought the new living translation a few years ago and I love it too !!
    love cara

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  5. Leah ~ is there anyway to get notifications when someone comments back to you ? See if you can follow my blog.. I added a post today. Maybe I won’t give up quite yet.

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