All Time Low….

OK so here was my morning:

Woke up at 5:45am…got butt out of bed at 6
Quick 20 minute power yoga 6:15-6:35
Make hubbys coffee…"um no babe no breakfast…yeah forgot to pick up your cereal bars….yeah I think there is enough money in there for you to buy lunch today"
7:00am…"crap all the Christmas gifts are still in the van…and the kids are rustling upstairs…run out to the van…in SHORTS and slippers to grab freezing target bags…run downstairs to freezing basement to stash them…did I mention we bought 3 really heavy mirrors and a long heavy bar for one of my daughters for Christmas to turn her bedroom wall into a ballet practice studio…they were freezing and freakin heavy…
7:05 the big girls bound downstairs…way too loud…way too exicited…its the last day of school before break
7:10 the little girls stumble downstairs…way too grumpy
7:15 "Crap…the freaking German Christmas project is due today!"

Now at this point…the rational part of my brain said:
"Leah, you can't do it….its not a big deal"
(Little Side Note: our original plan was to make German Christmas cookies to bring in today, but our over door fell apart on Monday, and my husband has not been home till nearly 9pm the last two nites, so we still can't use the oven)

The over-achieving-perfectionist-part of my brain said: "just hop on- line a whip something up real quick"
Guess what I listened to?
7:20-7:55: Made an advent calendar out of a cardboard box flap, and wrapping paper (with 24 opening doors). Even had my daughter write the numbers in the 24 boxes and write up a couple sentences about the Germans and the advent calendar…while she ate breakfast, that my oldest daughter made for all 4 girls.
8:00am-All done! " I am so awesome!" "Hey who is the best mom EVER?" Girls: "You are mom" Me: "THAT'S RIGHT!!"
8:05- "Its 8:05 Hurry up GIRLS! We are going to be late…(like it is their fault)
8:10 slide into the school parking lot, race up to the drop off doors to see the aide walk away with the doors locked…crap!
8:11-push girls out the van…"just sign yourself in late"…I am still in shorts and slippers, no way I am going in)
Then, OH IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!….my girls are standing next the locked doubled door, silently mocking them for their tardiness, when a father comes out of those door from the inside…now every NORMAL parent holds the door open, smiles at my very adorable girls, and lets them slip inside (yeah this has happened more than once).
But not this Grinch.
I am watching in shocked horror from my van review mirror as he literally shakes his pointy little head "no" and closes the door quickly after him so my girls cant get in!

I think I cursed at least 3 or 4 horrible expletives and then rolled down my passenger window and waited for the Grinch to stroll by
"Hey " I yelled
I have his attention now.
"Thanks for letting my kids in school doors…I really appreciated that"…I gave him my worst evil and sarcastic look and my best sarcastic thumbs up (why a thumbs up??)
I then drove off…seething in rage and having a fake conversation in my head of all the things I wished I had said to him.
Is that like total white trash…psycho mom or not?
I still can't decide
I wish I had said "what are you the tardy jerk!"
Instead of a sarcastic thumbs up.
Is that wrong of me?

I was still seething for like 15 minutes after shuffling inside the house.

Thankfully, God is merciful enough to me to not give up on me and my craziness, and has over these chaotic years taught me that when my feelings and emotions are out of control…and my thoughts are spiraling out of control in a negative, illogical manner(my husband calls in "the downward spiral of Leah) to sit, breathe, talk to Him and ask The Holy Spirit to give me perspective to understand what is really going on.

I am actually angry, not at the chin-less Grinch ( though that was a jerk move)
I am angry at myself for doing the German advent at 7:15am this morning. The reason being that I am running ragged. I have of course known about for 2 weeks about this project due…I have not had the time to do it with my daughter…that requires an hour block of un-interrupted one on one time, with no other pressing activiities to accomplish. It means the house has to be picked up and dinner done by 7:30pm and Tim home talking care of the girls.
I don't think that has happened once in the last 2 weeks.
That is why I was so mad…I feel like I am sinking in a sea of activities to the din of children's shouts with the nagging truth of my husband tries but He can't do my job…cuz it is NOT his job.
The home is my turf.
Making the money is his.
Old-fashioned, out-dated, but its what we decided.
It is still the best way in our opinion.
Its just real hard, especially this time of year.
The simple truth is "women do Christmas"
And that is all there is to it.

I feel good now.
I did what I always do when getting overwhelmed…thought about other peoples' very real problems, not my own.
Prayed for them, not myself.
Then I could breathe and laugh about it.


4 thoughts on “

  1. Glad you can breathe — breathe in the Holy Spirit. Glad you can laugh — Laughter eases “most” everything and sends us back to reality. Glad you’re the mother of my grandchildren…. cause they’re lucky girls. Glad you feel better — cause then the household feels better (if mommy ain’t happy, nobody’s happy). Glad you’re who you are — cause you’re a wonderful person. And very glad that I KNOW God will bless you through all these things. And may the Grinch be bothered by his deed all the day long….. Good thing I wasn’t there !!!


  2. Hi Leah,
    I loved this post! Love your honest writing style and the grace that you have for yourself and the understanding of the grace God has for you, but 4 kids in school? Let the man help – at least during Christmas! (Sorry, but I wish somebody would have said that to me while most of my kids were still in school!)
    The photo of your house after Christmas looks so much like ours did – up until today actually. I finally managed to get all the opened, abandoned, boxes and wrapping paper pulled out from under the tree, and the sofa, and the chairs, and the dining room table…… 🙂
    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving your comment. It is really nice to meet you and your blog is refreshingly funny and honest as well. I’ll be back!


  3. Wow! You sound like me! Except I couldn’t of completed the project that morning – my two I don’t think would have gotten themselves moving on their own. Don’t beat yourself up – you have a much harder job than he does because your’s is 24/7. We never stop… Sounds like your Christmas was wonderful:) I like the idea of dinner with your Hubby late Christmas night, sounds nice.


  4. Hi Leah,
    I love your writing. You are so honest. I have those same downward spirals. I have to stop myself and ask God to pull me out of it. What a beautiful blog you have and your family is adorable. I’m truly enjoying your stories. Thank you.


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