All Time Low….
OK so here was my morning:
Woke up at 5:45am…got butt out of bed at 6
Quick 20 minute power yoga 6:15-6:35
Make hubbys coffee…"um no babe no breakfast…yeah forgot to pick up your cereal bars….yeah I think there is enough money in there for you to buy lunch today"
7:00am…"crap all the Christmas gifts are still in the van…and the kids are rustling upstairs…run out to the van…in SHORTS and slippers to grab freezing target bags…run downstairs to freezing basement to stash them…did I mention we bought 3 really heavy mirrors and a long heavy bar for one of my daughters for Christmas to turn her bedroom wall into a ballet practice studio…they were freezing and freakin heavy…
7:05 the big girls bound downstairs…way too loud…way too exicited…its the last day of school before break
7:10 the little girls stumble downstairs…way too grumpy
7:15 "Crap…the freaking German Christmas project is due today!"
Now at this point…the rational part of my brain said:
"Leah, you can't do it….its not a big deal"
(Little Side Note: our original plan was to make German Christmas cookies to bring in today, but our over door fell apart on Monday, and my husband has not been home till nearly 9pm the last two nites, so we still can't use the oven)
The over-achieving-perfectionist-part of my brain said: "just hop on- line a whip something up real quick"
Guess what I listened to?
7:20-7:55: Made an advent calendar out of a cardboard box flap, and wrapping paper (with 24 opening doors). Even had my daughter write the numbers in the 24 boxes and write up a couple sentences about the Germans and the advent calendar…while she ate breakfast, that my oldest daughter made for all 4 girls.
8:00am-All done! " I am so awesome!" "Hey who is the best mom EVER?" Girls: "You are mom" Me: "THAT'S RIGHT!!"
8:05- "Its 8:05 Hurry up GIRLS! We are going to be late…(like it is their fault)
8:10 slide into the school parking lot, race up to the drop off doors to see the aide walk away with the doors locked…crap!
8:11-push girls out the van…"just sign yourself in late"…I am still in shorts and slippers, no way I am going in)
Then, OH IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!….my girls are standing next the locked doubled door, silently mocking them for their tardiness, when a father comes out of those door from the inside…now every NORMAL parent holds the door open, smiles at my very adorable girls, and lets them slip inside (yeah this has happened more than once).
But not this Grinch.
I am watching in shocked horror from my van review mirror as he literally shakes his pointy little head "no" and closes the door quickly after him so my girls cant get in!
I think I cursed at least 3 or 4 horrible expletives and then rolled down my passenger window and waited for the Grinch to stroll by
"Hey " I yelled
I have his attention now.
"Thanks for letting my kids in school doors…I really appreciated that"…I gave him my worst evil and sarcastic look and my best sarcastic thumbs up (why a thumbs up??)
I then drove off…seething in rage and having a fake conversation in my head of all the things I wished I had said to him.
Is that like total white trash…psycho mom or not?
I still can't decide
I wish I had said "what are you the tardy police..you jerk!"
Instead of a sarcastic thumbs up.
Is that wrong of me?
I was still seething for like 15 minutes after shuffling inside the house.
Thankfully, God is merciful enough to me to not give up on me and my craziness, and has over these chaotic years taught me that when my feelings and emotions are out of control…and my thoughts are spiraling out of control in a negative, illogical manner(my husband calls in "the downward spiral of Leah) to sit, breathe, talk to Him and ask The Holy Spirit to give me perspective to understand what is really going on.
I am actually angry, not at the chin-less Grinch ( though that was a jerk move)
I am angry at myself for doing the German advent at 7:15am this morning. The reason being that I am running ragged. I have of course known about for 2 weeks about this project due…I have not had the time to do it with my daughter…that requires an hour block of un-interrupted one on one time, with no other pressing activiities to accomplish. It means the house has to be picked up and dinner done by 7:30pm and Tim home talking care of the girls.
I don't think that has happened once in the last 2 weeks.
That is why I was so mad…I feel like I am sinking in a sea of activities to the din of children's shouts with the nagging truth of my husband tries but He can't do my job…cuz it is NOT his job.
The home is my turf.
Making the money is his.
Old-fashioned, out-dated, but its what we decided.
It is still the best way in our opinion.
Its just real hard, especially this time of year.
The simple truth is "women do Christmas"
And that is all there is to it.
I feel good now.
I did what I always do when getting overwhelmed…thought about other peoples' very real problems, not my own.
Prayed for them, not myself.
Then I could breathe and laugh about it.