Last night I posted my grandmother's poem "A Mother's Prison", as part of my newly created post series called Poetic Sundays. I love it of course, for sentimental reasons, and because of its simplistic poignant metaphors of mothering and duty.
However, it is a teensy bit DEPRESSING I know.
Then this morning I read I Corinthians 4:16, 17 &18 :
For which cause we faint not: but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and external weight of glory. For the things that are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
I was immediately struck that these poetic passages serve as a type of ancient mission statement for why I stay at home. Why we stay at homers, do what we do, and serves as an encouraging reminder that our perspective can be often times skewed from reality. I do not consider myself "A prisoner" to my children or home. Rather we our told in God's Word to be a "Prison in chains for Christ". I don't do what I do because I wanna be a martyr, or because that is my personality, or even because I love it so much. It is what God has called me to do.
Being a one income family sucks. There is no beating around the bush about that.
I used to look forward to payday. Now I kinda dread it. Cost of living is going up and up, our girls keep eating more and more.
I get so sick of the same dishes, same laundry, picking up the same crap, I did not get out, fixing mountains of food, I am not gonna eat, I feel like crying some days.
Throw in a dash of isolation and my inherited extreme mood swings and depression and it is recipe for a pretty unhappy existence.
But, and this is a big But, in reality it is a "light affliction" compared to what the majority or women around the world have to endure every day of their lives.
I am convinced our biggest obstacle is not bratty kids, poopy diapers, dirty homes, husbands who don't get it, or friends who always seem too busy.
Our biggest problem, or rather MY biggest problem is that I spend too much time THINKING ABOUT MYSELF.
I could type a book -long post about all the things The Lord has taught me these last 81/2 years of isolation, hardships, burderns, and disappointments. I would have never learned them, and continuing to learn if not home full time. I am glad for them.
I would not exchange how I have grown in Christ, the relationship I have with my children and husband because I am home full time, for anything in this world.
As my grandmother wrote so beautifully, "Love is the key that holds me"
Every prisoner gets her own cell though.
Part of my "sanity strategy" is my sewing room, which I yes lock myself in, on a daily basis.
Its pretty and bursting with creative clutter.
Much wine and chocolate is consumed in this room.
Because I aint no saint.
The pic at the top I got from a free down-load from greenpaper.typepad.com
The quote is a sticker and the jaunty little red crowns I stamped on.